How to Decide What to Worry About
As our life has gotten fuller and more complex (mainly through having 4 kids 5 and under), I find myself more easily distracted by worries I can’t control. There are aspects of our life - family, my job, our culture - that feel important, but that I can’t actually do anything about. For a few months, more and more of my attention was being consumed by worries like these.
I recently realized what I was doing when I was reminded of Stephen Covey’s concept of the Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence, in his book Seven Habits of Highly Effective People. It looks like this:
In brief, the Circle of Concern is everything I might want to think about: my family, my spiritual and physical health, my finances, the news, etc. But my Circle of Influence is the set of those concerns that I can actually do something about – that I can influence directly or indirectly by taking action.
Covey says that the more time we spend in the “gap” of concerns that we can’t influence, the more we become anxious, worried, and self-defeating, because by definition there’s literally nothing we can do about them. Worse, the more time and mental energy I give to things I can’t control, the less time and energy I have for things I can do something about: worry makes my Circle of Influence shrink!
How Pace and Pattern helps me refocus
Because the Pace & Pattern method emphasizes proactivity, it helps me move my anxious brain from Circle of Concern spazzing in two ways:
1. It makes me think about my real use of time
The reality-focused tools of the Pace & Pattern methodology, such as the Design Your Dream Ordinary, emphasize planning for real life. They help me set a realistic vision for how my week could actually go, including the space I make for my goals. The month, week, and day planning pages for each day of the year give me the chance to be proactive and invest this morning, that afternoon into things that truly matter.
2. It puts my attention on actionable goals
Because Pace & Pattern connects a big-picture vision to concrete goals, it pushes me to plan and act within my Circle of Influence on things I can control or at least influence. I can’t control the economy; but I can control my spending. I can’t control my kids (Lord knows); but I can control what I plan to do with them and how I react if things go, shall we say, not as planned.
Proactivity = Greater capacity for influence
Covey doesn’t promise the moon: there will always be things we can’t control. But he does say that focusing on our Circle of Influence – living as proactively as we’re able – often creates more capacity for influence and yet more proactivity in our lives by creating margin, earning new responsibilities or influence, et cetera. I’ve found this to be true in the years we’ve been using Pace & Pattern; the increased focus in my life has made me more capable and opened more space even when our life remains full and complex.
I was glad to be reminded of this insightful concept, and glad to have the chance to reflect on my own priorities, possibilities, and limitations in a fresh way.
Photo by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash